Submission and marriage  

• 1^st – The purpose of marriage…
  • 1^st – The PLAN…
    • GOOD…
      • The final section on GRACE for SUBMISSION – addresses wives and husbands…
      • As an INTRODUCTION – it is worthwhile to lay a FOUNDATION…
      • Anyone who is married can tell you marriage is NOT easy – but marriage is GOOD!
      • Proverbs 18:22 – “He who finds a wife finds a good thing…”
      • Those who forbid others to get married are false teachers – I Timothy 4:2-3
    • PERFECT…
      • God created MARRIAGE in the beginning – Genesis 2:24
      • The ONLY thing to survive the FALL of man – was MARRIAGE!
      • Therefore MARRIAGE is perfect – although the TWO sinners who get married are not…
      • But it does tell us how important MARRIAGE is – for THREE reasons!
    • FRIENDSHIP…
      • When God created the world – everything was very GOOD – Genesis 1:31
      • The FIRST time God said something was NOT good – was Adam being alone!
      • Genesis 2:18 – “The LORD God said… I will make a companion who will help him.”
      • Because two are better than one – Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
      • God knew that we do not do well on our own – we need FRIENDSHIP…
      • Out spouse should be our BEST friend – the ONLY one we will have for a lifetime!
    • Godly CHILDREN…
      • Genesis 1:28 – “Then God blessed them – and God said to them – Be fruitful and multiply…”
      • God created MARRIAGE – so there could be CHILDREN…
      • They are no longer two but one – fulfilled in children – two made into one – Genesis 2:24
      • Not just CHILDREN – God wants godly CHILDREN – Malachi 2:15
      • Children who know – love – and follow Jesus – by following their parents example!
    • Understand LOVE…
      • God uses two relationships to describe His love for us…
      • God calls us His children – I John 3:2 – God also calls us His wife – Revelation 21:9
      • It is through MARRIAGE we understand how much our Heavenly Father loves us…
      • When a husband sees his wife walk down the aisle – dressed in white – HOW Jesus sees us!
      • The first time a mother holds her newborn child – HOW Jesus sees us!
  • 2^nd – The WORD…
    • Just a FEW verses…
      • Considering the importance – you would think the Bible would say LOTS about MARRIAGE
      • The world has volumes of BOOKS available on how to have a good MARRIAGE…
      • There are full time COUNSELORS who make a living dealing with MARRIAGE problems!
      • Yet the BIBLE dedicates very little space to the subject – only a HANDFUL of verses…
      • NOT because it is unimportant – but because it is NOT very complicated!
    • TWO commands…
      • The one command to the wife – SUBMIT [present – imperative] – Ephesians 5:22
      • The one command to the Husband – LOVE [present – imperative] – Ephesians 5:25
      • YET it is impossible for a wife to SUBMIT to her [flawed] husband…
      • AND it is impossible for a husband to LOVE [perfectly] his imperfect wife…
      • Both are impossible commands with ONE purpose – to drive us to Jesus and His GRACE!
      • Marriage cannot be based on feelings – attraction – or even commitment…
      • These things are NOT consistent – because we are NOT consistent…
      • The only consistent thing we can build a marriage on – Jesus!
      • Hebrews 13:8 – “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday – today – and forever.”

• 2^nd – The wife… vs. 1-6
  • 1^st – SUBMIT… vs. 1
    • Not a COMMAND…
      • Wives – likewise – be submissive to your own husbands!
      • Peter has a different perspective on marriage than Paul…
      • Where Paul tells us HOW a marriage works – Ephesians 5 / Colossians 3
      • Peter focuses on WHAT happens when we do what God says to in marriage!
      • LIKEWISE [ὁμοίως] – in the SAME manner…
      • In the same way we SUBMIT to an evil government / or crooked boss…
      • WIVES are also to SUBMIT to THEIR husbands!
      • SUBMIT [passive] – this is NOT something wives DO – it is a RESPONSE…
      • SUBMIT to husbands – as a RESULT of SUBMITTING to the Lord!
    • God of ORDER…
      • SUBMIT – [ὑποτάσσω]– the same military term of complete subordination 
      • We live in a world where the word SUBMIT is a forbidden word…
      • But note – it is NOT about WOMEN submitting to MEN…
      • God is a God of ORDER – there is ORDER in His nature – I Corinthians 11:3
      • Part of that ORDER is also seen in a hierarchy of authority within marriage!
      • You CANNOT have TWO heads – someone has to be in charge…
      • God established the man the man as the HEAD in the MARRIAGE relationship!
  • 2^nd – The RESULT… vs. 1-2
    • DISOBEDIENT…
      • [Since] some [husbands] do not obey [indicative] the word! 
      • It makes me laugh – the assumption is husbands do NOT obey the Word…
      • This may be speaking of non-believers – or believers who are disobedient!
      • Wives are to only to SUBMIT as long as they are not being asked to DISOBEY God…
      • If something is contrary to the WORD – then a wife must OBEY God first!
    • EXAMPLE…
      • They – without a word – may be won by the conduct of their wives!
      • SINCE the HUSBAND is not willing to LISTEN to – or OBEY the Word…
      • When a wife SUBMITS to an UNGODLY husband – she becomes an EXAMPLE…
      • So the husband may be won [subjunctive] – without the Word by her CONDUCT…
      • CONDUCT [ἀναστροφή] – 13x in the NT – EIGHT of them in I and II Peter…
      • CONDUCT speaks of her ACTIONS – she lives out the WORD for her HUSBAND!
      • If a wife models her ACTIONS after the pattern of the world – expect worldly results…
      • Instead wives are called to pattern their ACTIONS according to the WORD!
    • HOLY…
      • When [husbands] observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear!
      • OBSERVE [ἐποπτεύω] – to LOOK intently – examine thoroughly…
      • CASTE [ἁγνός] – from the root word for HOLY – CONDUCT
      • FEARFUL of what will happen to her marriage – husband if HE does not OBEY the Word…
      • Knowing she CANNOT change him – she can ONLY be an example of obedience to him!
      • Ladies – I am sure you all want to have GODLY – LOVING husbands…
      • And there is nothing you would not do – or have not tried – to mold us into GODLY men…
      • But ONLY Jesus can change your MAN into the kind of HUSBAND you desire…
      • The most powerful impact you can have on his life – is to be an EXAMPLE for Him!
  • 3^rd – The FOCUS… vs. 3-4
    • NOT the outside…
      • Do not let your adornment be outward…
      • Arranging the hair – wearing gold – or putting on fine apparel!
      • Do not [imperative] let your ADORNMENT be OUTWARD…
      • ADORNMENT [κόσμος] – where we get the word cosmetics…
      • Not that there is a problem with makeup – women can make themselves look nice…
      • But if ALL that we focus on is the OUTWARD appearance…
      • Arranging of HAIR [ἐμπλοκή] – ONLY here in NT – weaving hairstyles…
      • Wearing GOLD – having the most expensive JEWELRY…
      • Fine CLOTHING – obsessed with the latest – newest FASHIONS…
      • Then there is a PROBLEM – because these things do not help a MARRIAGE!
      • People spend LOTS of money trying to hold on to the BEAUTY of their youth…
      • They buy beauty products – spend HOURS in front of the mirror – surgery…
      • But no matter how hard they try – age ALWAYS wins out in the end!
      • Why strive to perfect something that is doomed to perish!
      • I Timothy 2:9 – “Women [should] be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes.” [NLT]
    • The INSIDE…
      • Rather let it be the hidden person of the heart – with the incorruptible beauty…
      • Of a gentle and quiet spirit – which is very precious in the sight of God!
      • The CONTRAST could not be more powerful – focus on the INSIDE not the OUTSIDE…
      • The OUTSIDE is TEMPORARY [corrupt] – but the INSIDE is ETERNAL [incorruptible]
      • Inner BEAUTY – that is very PRECIOUS [valuable] to the Lord – TWO examples!
    • GENTLE…
      • GENTLE [πραΰς] – 3x in NT – a life defined by HUMILITY!
      • Matthew 5:5 – “Blessed are the meek [πραΰς] – for they shall inherit the earth.”
      • MEEKNESS is not a lack of power – instead it is defined as power under control…
      • Jesus was MEEK – not that He lacked power – but He CHOSE to depend on the Father…
      • And when we DEPEND on Jesus [not our strength] we find He is our strength…
      • Husbands may be able to resist the influence of their wives – but they cannot resist Christ!
    • QUIET spirit…
      • QUIET [ἡσύχιος] – 2x in the NT – to be IMMOVABLE [root]
      • Contrary to what we might assume – this word does NOT mean to keep quiet!
      • A wife should NOT be mute – it is a wise man that listens to his wife…
      • The idea here is that the wife is IMMOVABLE – founded on her FAITH in Jesus…
      • No matter what the husband says or does – she is NOT going to compromise her walk!
      • He may not read his Bible – he may not go to church – but she keeps her eyes on Jesus!
  • 4^th – The EXAMPLE… vs. 5-6
    • HOLY women…
      • For in this manner – in former times – the holy women who trusted in God…
      • Also adorned themselves – being submissive to their own husbands!
      • We are NOT left to wonder if this really works…
      • HOLY [ἅγιος] women in former times – in the Old Testament…
      • HOPED [ἐλπίζω] in God – note – their TRUST was NOT in their husbands…
      • ADORNED [κοσμέω] themselves – ALWAYS [imperfect] – NOT with outward beauty…
      • But in constant [present] SUBMISSION [ὑποτάσσω] to THEIR husbands!
    • SARAH…
      • As Sarah obeyed Abraham – calling him LORD!
      • OBEYED [ὑπακούω] – to listen to and follow…
      • We might breeze over this statement and miss its FULL weight…
      • The assumption is this is referring to a particular EVENT [aorist]
      • Genesis 12:13 – “Please say you are my sister – that it may be well with me for your sake.”
      • Abraham doubted God – His Word – and asked Sarah to lie…
      • Even though Abraham was being a FOOL – Sarah SUBMITTED to him…
      • Not trusting in Abraham – but HOPING in God to work in spite of him!
      • Sarah had an impact on Abraham – her HOLY conduct…
      • Her MEEK and QUIET spirit – encouraged Abraham to put his FAITH back in God…
      • So she was with joy able to call him LORD [present] – trust him to lead her to Jesus…
      • Her example was used by God to make Abraham the man she longed for him to be!
    • DAUGHTERS…
      • Whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror!
      • If you do GOOD – SUBMITTING to the Lord – your husband…
      • And are NOT afraid [φοβέω] with any TERROR…
      • TERROR [πτόησις] – falling away – departing because of fear!
      • Ladies you become daughters of Sarah – when you HOLD onto your HOPE in God…
      • That as you SUBMIT to your husbands in – MEEK and QUIET – they will turn…
      • Like Abraham your influence will help make them the Godly men you always wanted!

• 3^rd – The husband… vs. 7
  • 1^st – One VERSE…
    • It is immediately apparent that there is a discrepancy here – ONE verse compared to SIX…
    • Interestingly it is the opposite in Ephesians – THREE for the wife / NINE for the husband…
    • Peter is not telling us what to do – no IMPERATIVES…
    • He is telling us what happens WHEN we SUBMIT – LOVE as the Word directs!
  • 2^nd – DWELL…
    • Husbands – likewise – dwell with [your wives]!
    • DWELL [participle] – like with the WIFE – this is NOT a command…
    • It is the RESULT of obeying the instructions from the previous chapter…
    • SUBMIT to the Lord – so we can resist our flesh – have GOOD conduct…
    • DWELL [συνοικέω] only here in NT – to live in the same house with our WIVES!
    • Sometimes work may take us away from our families…
    • But it should be LIMITED – Husbands are NOT to be distant – our wives need us – our time…
    • How can we LOVE our WIVES – if we are not with our WIVES – Ephesians 5:25
  • 3^rd – THREE ways…
    • With UNDERSTANDING…
      • UNDERSTANDING [γνῶσις] – experiential knowledge…
      • Husbands need to take the time to LEARN how their wives think – what they need!
      • It goes without saying that women are DIFFERENT than men…
      • As men we said I LOVE you on the wedding day – and will let you know if that changes…
      • But our wives need CONSTANT affirmation – reminders of our LOVE!
      • Men are taught from youth that their ONE purpose is to PROVIDE…
      • But that is NOT true – God is the one who provides for our family – Luke 12:31
      • The one thing wives NEED – is the LOVE of Jesus from their HUSBANDS…
      • When we do not daily show our wives His LOVE – they begin to feel insecure…
      • And then they begin to challenge us – because they are insecure in our LOVE!
    • With HONOR…
      • Giving honor to the wife – as to the weaker vessel!
      • GIVE [ἀπονέμω] – to assign or portion out HONOR – LOVE…
      • Wives respond to LOVE – making them the weaker vessel!
      • Ephesians 5:33 – “Let each one of you in particular so love [imperative] his own wife as himself – and let the wife see that she respects [passive -subjunctive] her husband…”
      • If we look in the mirror and do not like what we see – it is not the mirrors fault!
      • In the same way if we do not like what we see in our wives – they are just a mirror…
      • As a husband LOVES his wife – the wife responds to him – REFLECTS her husband…
      • If we are full of the LOVE of Jesus – then we will see Jesus reflected in our wives!
    • As HEIRS…
      • As being heirs together of the grace of life!
      • God given roles within a MARRIAGE – but He does NOT give values to those roles…
      • We give those positions VALUE – we ELEVATE one above another…
      • But to God we all are EQUAL – we are all HEIRS to the Grace of life!
      • Galatians 3:28 – “There is neither male nor female – for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
      • Husbands need to remember their position – does not mean they are elevated…
      • They need to keep the humble perspective – they are on equal ground with their bride!
  • 4^th – PRAYERS…
    • That your prayers may not be hindered!
    • HINDERED [ἐκκόπτω] – to be CUT off [passive]
    • Our wives are the greatest gift we will ever receive – we are to CHERISH them…
    • If we do NOT – we will have to explain ourselves to their FATHER – God in heaven…
    • If we are NOT loving them – it keeps God from hearing us – leaves prayers unanswered…
    • Our prayers hit the ceiling of our SIN – and we end up talking to ourselves…
    • But the moment we HONOR and LOVE our wives – we will find He is eager to listen!
    • I Peter 3:12 – “The Lords… ears are open to the prayers of those who do right.”
• 4^th – a GOOD marriage… vs. 8-12
  • 1^st – Conclusion… vs. 8
    • Finally…
      • As we conclude the section on GRACE for SUBMISSION…
      • FIVE things that should define ALL relationships – as we SUBMIT to the LORD!
    • FIVE things…
      • ONE mind – only here NT – meaning unity in mind…
      • COMPASSION – [συμπαθής] to have SYMPATHY for one another…
      • COURTEOUS [φιλόφρων] – to have a friendly thoughts…
      • TENDER hearted– to have a GOOD heart…
      • LOVE as brothers [φιλάδελφος] – to LIKE [φίλος] each other!
      • Put them all together – the picture is powerful – we all have the same mind [unity]
      • Therefore we should have COMPASSION – and be COURTEOUS to each other…
      • With a GOOD heart – remembering we are NO better than the person next to us…
      • And we are called to LIKE everyone – from the irritating person we ONLY see Sundays…
      • To our spouse we have to live with EVERY day!
  • 2^nd – The GOLDEN RULE… vs. 9
    • Do NOT…
      • Not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling – but on the contrary blessing…
      • Knowing that you were called to this – that you may inherit a blessing!
      • We are not to GIVE – EVIL for EVIL [κακός] – Matthew 5:38
      • And we are not to talk bad [revile] about others – just because they talk bad about us!
    • CONTRARY…
      • We are to BLESS – knowing [εἴδω] that we are called to this…
      • That we might [subjunctive] also received a BLESSING from the Lord!

Living a life that reflects His LOVE – to our children – to everyone around us!

We are to treat others – the same way we want them to treat us – the GOLDEN RULE

More than that – we are to bless those who HATE us!

Luke 6:28 – “Bless those who curse you – and pray for those who spitefully use you…”

So often we base our actions – on what our spouse does…

If my wife SUBMITS I will love her – If my husband LOVES I will submit to him…

But the instructions God gives are not based on what the other person does…

We are called to LOVE – SUBMIT regardless of what our spouse does!

3^rd – Eyes of the LORD… vs. 10-12

If we LOVE [ἀγαπάω] life – and want to see good days – by application a good MARRIAGE…

Then we must refrain [imperative] our tongue from evil [κακός] and deceit [δόλος]

Turn [imperative] from EVIL and do [imperative] GOOD…

Seek [imperative] PEACE and pursue [imperative] it…

Because the EYES of the Lord are righteous – and His EARS open to their prayers…

BUT the FACE of the Lord is against those who do evil – Psalm 34:12-16

In other words – God is WATCHING – He sees our MARRIAGES…

Therefore – we must REFRAIN from using our tongue to do damage to each other…

TURN from evil [doing what we want] – instead choosing to do GOOD [SUBMIT to God]

SEEK peace with our spouse – PURSUE peace – because a GOOD marriage matters!

Satan HATES marriage – because marriage reveals the LOVE of God…

He would love nothing more than to see our families ripped apart…

But we want to please the LORD – live RIGHTLY – so His eyes and ears are open to us…