Marriage problems… vs. 2-3

• 1st – Hard Lessons… vs. 4-9
  • 1^st – Walking away… vs. 4-6
    • Locked door… vs. 4
      • My beloved put his hand by the latch of the door – and my heart yearned for him!
      • SOLOMON [דּוֹד] put [perfect] his hand on the LOCK of the door…
      • He tried to get to his BRIDE – but she would NOT let him in…
      • But there was a BATTLE in her heart – she was MAD at him – but also MISSED him…
      • Her HEART [מֵעֶה] longed to be back with him…
      • So why NOT open the door – what kept her from letting him in – PRIDE!
      • The number one problem in MARRIAGES – is our PRIDE…
      • We LOVE our spouse – we WANT to be with them…
      • But we cannot get past our PRIDE – it is so hard to say – I am SORRY!
    • Sweet scent… vs. 5
      • I arose to open for my beloved and my hands dripped with myrrh.
      • My fingers with liquid myrrh on the handles of the lock!
      • When she finally could NOT take it any longer – and went to OPEN the door…
      • As she opened the BOLT – she found it covered in MYRRH [מֹר]
      • It was customary in ancient times to leave a SCENT as a kind of LOVE note…
      • Solomon did not react to her stubborn attitude – instead he responded in kindness!
      • The modern equivalent would be FLOWERS or CHOCOLATES…
      • A peace offering given to the other person as a way to say SORRY!
      • If our SPOUSE is closed up – and will NOT listen or let us in…
      • There are TWO options – we can treat them the same way [tit for tat]
      • But that will just make things worse – it will NOT bring restoration…
      • The better answer it so react to them with GRACE and LOVE…
      • Give them a GIFT – a kind NOTE – and gesture tried to try and RESTORE the relationship!
    • No answer… vs. 6
      • I opened for my beloved but my beloved had turned away and was gone.
      • My heart leaped up when he spoke. I sought him but I could not find him.
      • I called him but he gave me no answer!
      • When the SHULAMITE finally opened the door for SOLOMON [דּוֹד]
      • It was too LATE – he had already left…
      • Her SOUL [נֶפֶשׁ] had LEAPT when she heard him speak…
      • But when she went to LOOK for [piel] him – he was nowhere [לֹא] to be found…
      • She called out to him – but he no [לֹא] longer answered!
      • Here is where our story takes on a DEEPER spiritual meaning…
      • Jesus comes KNOCKING on our door – and He wants to come in – Revelation 3:20
      • But He does NOT knock forever – today is the day to choose – II Corinthians 6:2
      • There will be a LOT of people whose SOULS [נֶפֶשׁ] were stirred by hearing His WORD…
      • But by the time they OPEN up the door – it is too LATE…
      • We do NOT want to be those who MISS out on the window to be SAVED!
      • Matthew 7:22 – “Many will say to Me in that day: Lord – Lord!”
  • 2^nd – Waking up… vs. 7-9
    • Consequences… vs. 7
      • The watchmen who went about the city found me. They struck me – they wounded me.
      • The keepers of the walls took my veil away from me!
      • The SHULAMITE went out into the CITY looking for SOLOMON…
      • But instead of finding her HUSBAND – the POLICE [guards] found her…
      • What happened next is mired in a bit of controversy…
      • Because we are told the police BEAT [hiphil] her – and BRUISED her…
      • Then took away her VEIL – putting her to public shame…
      • It seems unlikely that the POLICE would beat and shame the QUEEN [wife of Solomon]
      • Some suggest that this was instead a DREAM [the chapter opens with her sleeping]
      • And that the POLICE are her conscience punishing her for her STUBBORNNESS…
      • Either way – if it was REAL or a DREAM – it had an immediate impact!
    • Repentant… vs. 8
      • I charge you O daughters of Jerusalem:
      • If you find my beloved that you tell him I am lovesick!
      • The SHULAMITE turned to the DAUGHTERS of Jerusalem and gave them a command [שָׁבַע]
      • If they found SOLOMON [דּוֹד] – they were to tell [hiphil] him…
      • She was SORRY [חָלָה] – and she LOVED [אַהֲבָה] him!
      • Note that NOTHING changed in the circumstances…
      • Whatever caused the FIGHT in the first place – was still unresolved…
      • What CHANGED was the heart of the SHULAMITE – she was humbled…
      • Because the KEY to restoring a broken marriage – is allowing God to CHANGE us!
    • Reflection… vs. 9
      • The Daughters of Jerusalem:
      • What is your beloved more than another beloved O fairest among women?
      • What is your beloved more than another beloved that you so charge us?
      • The command raised a question among the DAUGHTERS of Jerusalem…
      • WHAT [מַה] was her BELOVED [דּוֹד] – that made him MORE than others [2x for emphasis]
      • After all the SHULAMITE was beautiful – literally the fairest [יָפֶה] of all women [ בַּנָּשִׁים]
      • She could have ANY man – why did she want SOLOMON!
      • Too often we FOCUS on ALL the WRONG things…
      • We LOOK at the FLAWS and FAILURES of our spouse…
      • It does NOT take much to find them – we are all SINNERS – Romans 3:23
      • But rather than looking at the PROBLEM – we should be asking what makes them SPECIAL…
      • Why did we say YES on the wedding day – why did we CHOSE to spend our lives together…
      • When we change our FOCUS – when we WAKE up to what really matters…
      • We will see the BLESSING of the person God has given us to walk through life with!

• 3^rd Change of Heart… vs. 10-16
  • 1^st – Personality… vs. 10
    • The Shulamite: My beloved is white and ruddy. Chief among ten thousand!
    • With the RIGHT perspective – the SHULAMITE answered the question…
    • What made SOLOMON her BELOVED [דּוֹד] – she gave SIX reasons…
    • FIRST – SOLOMON was SUNNY [צַח] – likely a reference to his pleasant personality…
    • BUT [וְ] – he was also MANLY [אָדֹם] – from the root word for MAN [אָדָם]
    • That combination of being both FUN and yet MASCULINE made him the BEST…
    • He was the FLAG [דָּגַל] – or standard – that you would hold over TEN thousand men!
    • There are a LOT of people in this world – BILLIONS…
    • We need to remember that out of them ALL – God gave us ONE…
    • Therefore we should see our SPOUSE as the BEST [standard]!
  • 2^nd – Appearance… vs. 11
    • His head is like the finest gold. His locks are wavy and black as a raven!
    • SOLOMON had a good head – more valuable than fine GOLD…
    • It was covered with think locks of BLACK hair [dark as a raven]
    • This apparently was a trait of the sons of DAVID…
    • Absalom also had very long and think hair – II Samuel 14:26
    • For the record – having long DARK hair is not what makes someone handsome…
    • Solomon would go on to say that GREY hair is the crown of the wise – Proverbs 16:31
    • And making fun of those who have NO hair can have consequences – II Kings 2:23-24
    • Joking aside – there is truth that BEAUTY is in the eye of the beholder…
    • The world tries to sell us on the LIE that it is found in certain TRAITS [thin – tall – white]
    • But when someone has your heart – they become the most BEAUTIFUL person!
  • 3^rd – Wisdom… vs. 12
    • His eyes are like doves by the rivers of waters. Washed with milk and fitly set!
    • They EYES of SOLOMON were WHITE [washed in milk] – no jaundice or hepatitis…
    • And he was NOT cross eyed – they were set in the right place…
    • But most importantly – when she looked into his EYES…
    • They were WIDE [like a pigeon] and DEEP [like a river] – likely speaking of his WISDOM!
    • Matthew 6:22 – “The lamp of the body is the eye.”
  • 4^th – Fragrance… vs. 13
    • His cheeks are like a bed of spices banks of scented herbs.
    • His lips are lilies dripping liquid myrrh!
    • She went on to describe how SOLOMON smelled…
    • His cheeks were like a GARDEN of sweet spices – likely a reference to his well kept BEARD…
    • He was TALL [מִגְדָּל] so she reach up smell his sweet fragrance…
    • And when she did – his LIPS were as soft as LILIES – and dripped with MYRRH!
    • I used to have a BEARD – but it was a bit WILD – I did NOT trim it for over a year…
    • That may be why Jen will NO longer let me have a GARDEN on my face [clean shaven]
      
  • 5^th – Strength… vs. 14-15
    • His hands are rods of gold set with beryl. His body is carved ivory inlaid with sapphires.
    • His legs are pillars of marble set on bases of fine gold.
    • His countenance is like Lebanon excellent as the cedars!
    • The HANDS of SOLOMON were STRONG – like golden HINGES of a door…
    • His BODY was like CARVED ivory – he was a FIT man…
    • His LEGS like pillars of MARBLE – set on bases of GOLD [his feet]
    • He was very TALL – like a CEDAR tree from Lebanon!
  • 6^th – Friendship… vs. 16
    • His mouth is most sweet. Yes he is altogether lovely.
    • This is my beloved and this is my friend – O daughters of Jerusalem!
    • But more than his PERSONALITY – or his APPEARANCE…
    • Even better than his WISDOM – FRAGRANCE – or STRENGTH…
    • The very best part of Solomon was his WORDS…
    • What came out of his mouth was always SWEET and PLEASANT…
    • So in answer to the question – that is what made him BELOVED [דּוֹד]
    • That is what made SOLOMON her best FRIEND [רֵעַ]!
    • God has given us the GIFT of marriage – Proverbs 18:22
    • The MISTAKE that we can make is thinking that it will be EASY…
    • MARRIAGE is HARD – and there are going to be CHALLENGES…
    • The KEY is to be HUMBLE – and come to Jesus for His GRACE…
    • So that we can overlook the FLAWS – and instead see what is GOOD…
    • We can see the FRIEND God has given – our BELOVED!