Change of Heart… vs. 1-3

• 1^st – Helping hand… vs. 1
  • The question…
    • The DAUGHTERS of Jerusalem had asked WHY the SHULAMITE was looking for SOLOMON…
    • She was the most BEAUTIFUL of all women [הַיָּפָה בַּנָּשִׁים] – Song of Songs 5:9
    • Their question has stirred the SHULAMITE to RECONSIDER…
    • Rather than FOCUS on what SOLOMON had done to UPSET her…
    • It changed her perspective to instead think about WHY she LOVED him…
    • And give a STIRRING description of to the DAUGHTERS of what made him SPECIAL…
    • He was BETTER than TEN thousand men – he was her BELOVED – and FRIEND!
  • Not alone…
    • The Daughters of Jerusalem: Where has your beloved gone O fairest among women?
    • Where has your beloved turned aside that we may seek him with you?
    • MOVED by the description the SHULAMITE gave of SOLOMON…
    • The DAUGHTERS of Jerusalem were quick to ask how they could HELP…
    • Did the SHULAMITE know WHERE [אָנָה] her BELOVED [דוֹדֵךְ] had gone….
    • Or WHERE [אָנָה] her BELOVED [דוֹדֵךְ] had turned [repeated twice for emphasis]
    • Because [וּ] they wanted to help her LOOK [piel] for him!
    • We tend to look at marriage as something that is PRIVATE…
    • When [not if] we get into TROUBLE – we think we have to solve them on our own…
    • The LIE that the enemy puts into our heads is that ONLY we have these PROBLEMS…
    • Everyone else has a GREAT marriage – therefore NO one can relate to us…
    • But the truth is we ALL have STRUGGLES – and we are here to HELP!
• 2^nd – Not hidden… vs. 2
  • The Shulamite: My beloved has gone to his garden – to the beds of spices.
  • To feed his flock in the gardens and to gather lilies!
  • There was NO hesitation in the answer from the SHULAMITE…
  • SOLOMON was NOT lost – she knew EXACTLY where had had gone…
  • He was back at WORK – tending his GARDEN – and feeding [רָעָה] his SHEEP…
  • And she hoped he might even be picking some LILIES [flowers] to give to her!
  • I KNOW when Jen is NOT happy – when I have UPSET her…
  • She stops talking – and finds some kind of WORK that needs to be done…
  • The house is NEVER cleaner then after I have done something dumb…
  • But I also KNOW how to solve the problem – she just needs a HUG!
  • Married couples know how to push one anothers BUTTONS…
  • We KNOW what to SAY and DO that will get the other person UPSET…
  • After living together for MANY years – we KNOW each other REALLY well…
  • Yet we pretend to be IGNORANT – act like we do NOT know how to restore the relationship…
  • But the truth is we also KNOW our spouse well enough to KNOW what to SAY and DO to FIX it…
  • The reason we do NOT is our PRIDE – we want them to go FIRST…
  • Yet until one of us is willing to be HUMBLE – there can be no HEALING!
• 3^rd – My beloved… vs. 3
  • I am my beloveds and my beloved is mine.
  • He feeds his flock among the lilies!
  • The SHULAMITE chose HUMILITY…
  • She made a similar statement before – my beloved is MINE and I am HIS – Song of songs 2:16
  • But here she REVERSES the order – FIRST she belonged [לְ] to her BELOVED [דּוֹד]
  • She understood that it was NOT his responsibility to reach out to her…
  • She was to reach out to him – go to where he was working [רָעָה] among the LILIES!
  • There are TWO commands given in MARRIAGE….
  • WIVES are commanded to SUBMIT [ὑποτάσσω] to their HUSBANDS – Ephesians 5:22
  • HUSBANDS are commanded to LOVE [ἀγαπάω] their WIVES – Ephesians 5:25
  • We tend to DEMAND the other person do their PART…
  • And overlook the COMMAND [imperative] that God has given to us!
  • It is easy to see the FAULT in others [she is NOT submitting – he is NOT loving]
  • But the problem is we CANNOT change them – we can ONLY choose for ourselves…
  • When [not if] we have a FIGHT – the right answer is to be HUMBLE…
  • Admit we were WRONG – and chose to OBEY what God had called us to do!

• 2^nd – Rekindled love… vs. 4-10
  • 1^st – My Love… vs. 4
    • Beautiful…
      • The Beloved: O my love!
      • When the SHULAMITE came to find SOLOMON…
      • CRITICALLY – she did NOT come to continue the FIGHT…
      • She came in HUMILITY – SUBMITTED [ὑποτάσσω] with a heart that said I belong to him…
      • The response of SOLOMON was to reply with the same HUMILITY…
      • He poured out LOVE [ἀγαπάω] upon her the moment she arrived!
    • Three ways…
      • You are as beautiful as Tirzah. Lovely as Jerusalem. Awesome as an army with banners!
      • She was BEAUTIFUL [יָפֶה] – and he went on to describe her BEAUTY in THREE ways…
      • FIRST – like [כְּ] the city of TIRZAH – city in northern Israel – name means to be pleasing [רָצָה]
      • SECOND – like [כְּ] the city of Jerusalem – the name means to have PEACE [שָׁלַם]
      • THIRD – like [כְּ] a terrifying [אָיֹם] army that carries banners of WAR – but chose PEACE!
      • The picture of the THREE put together is POWERFUL…
      • Solomon expected the SHULAMITE to come looking for a terrible [אָיֹם] FIGHT…
      • But was PLEASANTLY [Tirzah] surprised when she came to bring PEACE [Jerusalem]
      • There are TWO options we have when it comes to MARRIAGE…
      • We can come in PRIDE ready for a FIGHT – and watch and our relationship crumbles…
      • Or we can come in HUMILITY ready for PEACE – and watch as it soars…
      • A GOOD marriage does NOT happen by accident – it is a CHOICE!
  • 2^nd – Overcome… vs. 5
    • Your eyes…
      • Turn your eyes away from me for they have overcome me!
      • Seeing the HUMILITY of the SHULAMITE – broke SOLOMON…
      • He demanded [imperative] that she turn her eyes away from him…
      • Not that her look was CONDEMNING – that would have just continued the FIGHT…
      • It was because her look was NOT condemning – it was filled with GRACE…
      • Therefore – they were causing SOLOMON to feel deeply GUILTILY [overcome]
      • OVERCOME [רָהַב] – because he had also behaved ARROGANTLY or PROUDLY!
    • Disobedient…
      • I Peter 3:1-2 – “[Since] some [husbands] do not obey [indicative] the word. They without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives – when [their husbands see their] chaste conduct accompanied by fear!”
      • It makes me laugh – the Bible assumes husbands do NOT obey the Word…
      • And since HUSBAND are not willing to LISTEN to – or OBEY the Word…
      • When a wife SUBMITS to her PRIDEFUL husband – she becomes an EXAMPLE…
      • So the husband may be won [subjunctive] – without the Word – by her CONDUCT…
      • CONDUCT speaks of her ACTIONS – she lives out the WORD for her HUSBAND!
      • If a wife models her ACTIONS after the pattern of the world – expect worldly results…
      • Instead wives are called to pattern their ACTIONS according to the WORD!
    • Holy…
      • As the husband OBSERVES [ἐποπτεύω] – to LOOK intently – examine thoroughly…
      • Her CHASTE [ἁγνός] – from the root word for HOLY…
      • Because she is FEARFUL of what will happen to her marriage – if they follow the WORLD…
      • Knowing she CANNOT change him – she can ONLY be an example of obedience to him!
      • Ladies – I am sure you all want to have GODLY – LOVING husbands…
      • And there is NOTHING you would NOT do – or have not tried to mold us into GODLY men…
      • But ONLY Jesus can change your MAN into the kind of HUSBAND you desire…
      • The most powerful impact you can have on his life – is to be an EXAMPLE for Him!
  • 3^rd – Beautiful… vs. 5-7
    • Hair… vs. 5
      • Your hair is like a flock of goats going down from Gilead!
      • As much as SOLOMON was having a hard time looking at the SHULAMITE [guilty]
      • He also could NOT take his eyes off of her – because of her BEAUTY…
      • Going back to the DESCRIPTIONS he gave on their WEDDING night – Song of songs 4:1-3
      • Solomon again likened her HAIR to a flock of GOATS…
      • The reference could be to the GOATS themselves – that can have long thick hair…
      • Or it could also be a reference to the FLOCK of goats flowing down a mountain [Gilead]!
    • Teeth… vs. 6
      • Your teeth are like a flock of sheep which have come up from the washing.
      • Every one bears twins and none is barren among them!
      • Solomon went on to describe her TEETH…
      • They were like a flock of washed [clean] – meaning they were all WHITE…
      • And she also was NOT missing any of her TEETH…
      • Each one had a TWIN on the other side of her mouth – NONE [אִין] were missing!
    • Face… vs. 7
      • Like a piece of pomegranate are your temples behind your veil!
      • Solomon described her FACE [temples]
      • Her cheeks looked as RED as the inside of a POMEGRANATE…
      • No doubt because she was BLUSHING once more at his description of her…
      • But note – SOLOMON did NOT go any farther down [like he did on the wedding night]
      • Because this was NOT about being SENSUAL – he was seeing true BEAUTY!
      • Every HUSBAND thinks his WIFE is beautiful on the wedding day…
      • But too often – somewhere along the way – they seem to FORGET…
      • The problem is NOT that the wife has changed – the problem is the MARRIAGE…
      • PRIDE will cause anyone to see the UGLY rather than the BEAUTIFUL!
      • Men we should be looking at our wives like it was the WEDDING day…
      • They should appear MORE beautiful to us TODAY than ever…
      • If they do NOT – then it should be a CHECK in our HEART…
      • That we need to be HUMBLE – invest more TIME in our WIVES…
      • So we can see them again as the most BEAUTIFUL woman in the world!
      • Matthew 6:21 – “For where your treasure is there your heart will be also.”
  • 4^th – Only one… vs. 8-10
    • Many women… vs. 8
      • There are sixty queens – and eighty concubines – and virgins without number!
      • SOLOMON went on to assure the SHULAMITE she had NO comparison…
      • Although there are SIXTY queens [מַלְכָּה] – and EIGHTY concubines [פִּילֶגֶשׁ]
      • And COUNTLESS other women [עַלְמָה] that had NOT [אִין] yet married!
      • This verse has caused questions about the timing of this book…
      • If the SHULAMITE was the FIRST wife of Solomon – then this statement is rhetorical…
      • But it could also mean Solomon already had forty wives [queens] and eighty concubines…
      • Along with many other women [1000 total] he would eventually marry – I Kings 11:4
      • If it is the SECOND – we need to recall this LOVE story is NOT a PATTERN…
      • It does NOT condone having more than one wife…
      • A practice that was actually FORBIDDEN by God for Kings – Deuteronomy 17:17
      • Rather God used the LOVE story of Solomon and the Shulamite as a PICTURE…
      • Both of what a marriage relationship between ONE man and ONE woman looks like…
      • Which was the PLAN of God from the beginning – Genesis 2:18
      • As well as illustrate the deeper truth of the LOVE of God for the church – Ephesians 5:32
    • Perfect… vs. 9
      • My dove – my perfect one – is the only one!
      • Regardless if SOLOMON was being rhetorical or literal about the other women…
      • His point was she was the ONLY one [אֶחָד] that mattered to him…
      • His DOVE [pet name] was PERFECT [תָּם] – there was NO one else like her!
        
      • Men we live in a world where WOMEN do NOT dress modestly…
      • And we have access to pictures that we should NEVER see…
      • And as much as we might think our wives do NOT notice – they do!
      • Our eyes should ONLY be for them – they need to know NO one else compares…
      • Any other woman who walks by [no matter what she is wearing] is NOT worth out time…
      • There is no PICTURE or VIDEO that can match the reality of our BRIDE…
      • Because our WIVES need to have the ASSURANCE they are the ONLY one for us…
      • They are PERFECT – and we ONLY have eyes for them!
    • Competing… vs. 9
      • The only one of her mother. The favorite of the one who bore her.
      • The daughters saw her and called her blessed.
      • The queens and the concubines and they praised her!
      • SOLOMON was NOT alone in his opinion of the SHULAMITE…
      • Her MOTHER who gave birth to her – called her PURE [בַּר]
      • Other DAUGHTERS [possibly siblings] – also BLESSED [piel] her…
      • The other QUEENS and CONCUBINES [piel] PRAISED [הָלַל] her!
      • Women always feel like they are COMPETING…
      • They FIRST compete with their MOTHER – show they are NOT a child…
      • Then they complete with other WOMEN – show they are pretty…
      • Burdened to follow the latest fashions – clothing – styles and trends…
      • Only to compete with other wives – show they are worthy [good wife and mother]
      • But do NOT miss what gave the SHULAMITE – acceptance – blessings – and praise…
      • Was that she was willing to HUMBLE herself and OBEY God!
      • Being the BEST is not about how PRETTY the world says we look…
      • We will NEVER be able to COMPETE by trying to keep in STYLE…
      • And we will NEVER be PRAISED by trying to be the best WIFE or MOM…
      • The ONLY thing that works is choosing HUMILITY – and OBEDIENCE to Christ…
      • Because when we do – that is when God changes us from the inside out!
      • Proverbs 31:30 – “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing – but a woman who fears the LORD she shall be praised.”
    • Forgiven… vs. 10
      • Who is she who looks forth as the morning fair as the moon – clear as the sun.
      • Awesome as an army with banners?
      • As SOLOMON now looked at his WIFE…
      • She was like [כַ] the coming of a NEW day [dawn]
      • She looked as [כַ] BEAUTIFUL [יָפֶה] as the full moon – as [כַ] PURE [בַּר] as the sun…
      • The WAR – the terrifying [אָיֹם] banners – SOLOMON had anticipated was gone…
      • The SHULAMITE had made mistakes – she had LOCKED the door on SOLOMON…
      • Not to say he was PERFECT – it takes TWO to fight…
      • But those MISTAKES were now FORGIVEN – it was a NEW beginning!
      • Having disagreements [fights] in marriage is unavoidable [two sinners living as one]
      • But when we come in HUMILITY – rather than to make WAR…
      • When we come in OBEDIENCE to the command God gave to us [in spite of the other person]
      • Rather than coming with our own AGENDA – wanting to be RIGHT…
      • We will find our marriage sees a NEW day – a BEAUTIFUL day!
      • I Corinthians 13:4-5 – “Love is not… proud. It does not demand its own way… it keeps no record of being wronged.” [NLT]

• 3^rd – Restoration… vs. 11-13
  • 1^st – New beginning… vs. 11
    • The Shulamite: I went down to the garden of nuts to see the verdure of the valley.
    • To see whether the vine had budded and the pomegranates had bloomed!
    • The SHULAMITE closed by giving her MOTIVE…
    • She went [perfect] down to the GARDEN [גִּנָּה] of NUTS [only here OT]
    • To see [רָאָה] if there was FRUIT – to see [רָאָה] if the vine and pomegranates had blossomed…
    • Speaking of her MARRIAGE – was it DEAD or coming back to LIFE [budding]
    • Was there still hope for her and SOLOMON after their FIGHT!
    • Perhaps we are here today – and we feel like our SPOUSE is driving us NUTS…
    • And we are wondering – is there any HOPE for our MARRIAGE…
    • We are coming to church to ask is the marriage DEAD – or can it come back to LIFE…
    • The answer is YES – the FIGHT is not the end…
    • It is when we learn to END the FIGHT – surrender to the Lord – we find NEW life [blossom]!
  • 2^nd – Coming home… … vs. 12-13
    • Swept up… vs. 12
      • Before I was even aware my soul had made me as the chariots of my noble people!
      • The SHULAMITE had come to see if there was still HOPE…
      • And before [לֹא] she knew [יָדַע] what was going on…
      • He SOUL mate [נֶפֶשׁ] – SOLOMON – had put her in his princely CHARIOT!
    • The command… vs. 13
      • The Beloved and His Friends: Return – return O Shulamite.
      • Return – return that we may look upon you!
      • As he swept her up – SOLOMON commanded [imperative] her…
      • COME back [שׁוּב] – two times for emphasis…
      • SHULAMITE [2x] – This is the ONLY place in the Bible were we are given her name…
      • SHULAMITE – from the root word [שָׁלַם] – meaning to be at PEACE…
      • COME back [שׁוּב] – two times for emphasis…
      • That WE [Solomon and all of Israel] might BEHOLD [חָזָה] her!
      • When God HEALS a broken marriage – they are NOT the only ones who notice…
      • Their CHILDREN are watching – learning what HUMILITY – OBEDIENCE – LOVE look like…
      • Their NEIGHBORS are watching – to see if CHRISTIANS are really any different…
      • The WORLD takes note – because through us – even our FAILURES – they see Jesus!
    • The question… vs. 13
      • The Shulamite: What would you see in the Shulamite.
      • As it were the dance of the two camps?
      • She asked them – what [מָה] did they think they would see in the [בַּ] SHULAMITE…
      • To which she answered her own question…
      • They would see TWO camps that had been at WAR [husband and wife]
      • That had HUMBLED themselves and found PEACE [שָׁלַם]!
      • The greatest mistake we will ever make in MARRIAGE – is to act like we are PERFECT…
      • We are NOT – we are going to make MISTAKES…
      • If people watch our lives – what are they going to see…
      • Two CAMPS who at times go to WAR [husband against wife]
      • But who by the GRACE of God – given through HUMILITY – James 4:6
      • Get to see the Lord do what they world says is IMPOSSIBLE…
      • HEAL the marriage – RESTORE the love – and make all things NEW!